She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
