a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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