So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
