so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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