Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize