so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
