You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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