I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
