When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
