So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
