dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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