At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
