batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize