a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
