i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
