Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
