I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
