There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
