Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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