Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Ketchup is God's man juice
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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