Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
