I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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