'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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