Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
