I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
