I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
