That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm always down for nudity.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
