dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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