Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
