So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
