come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
