Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
