I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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