they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
