Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
