I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
