How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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