I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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