hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize