yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
