And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I party with great urgency now.
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