whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
