im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
