the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
