i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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