I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
