i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
