yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
