I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
