My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
