she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
