I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
