I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
