The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
