We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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