I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize