i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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