I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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