I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
