Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
my poor anus
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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