Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
