He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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