I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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