i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Blood and glitter go together right?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
