We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
