rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
