I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
