Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
